The Visionary (aka, it’s not ironic)

by TheStache on February 28, 2014

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This is Phillip. Phillip is a visionary. Where some men look at an empty skyline and see nothing, other men see skyscrapers. Phillip is one such visionary. He’s currently 22 but he knows that mustaches aren’t just for old men anymore. In the same way that, in the 90′s,  the beard was relegated to lumberjacks and dirty hippies, so the mustache was reserved for bare knuckle boxers and male actors in adult films. No more my friends. Visionary semi-hipsters like Phillip have lead a worldwide resurgence of the dirty stache. This has caused many soccer moms and Nascar dads to wonder why they don’t understand youth humor but the joke is on us. It’s no joke. It’s just raw, real and glorious. If you doubt me just look at the width and seriousness of Phillip’s lip foliage. Look on it and bask in it’s glory. Here’s to you Phillip.

 

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The Advanced Handlebar moustache (a.k.a. pigtails)

by TheStache on November 17, 2012

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If mustaches were ice skating, this beautiful moustache would be the triple lutz. It’s not only difficult to execute, but also just because you execute it doesn’t mean you do it well. Many see it as a form of peacocking. However if not pulled off correctly it can result in anything from rejection to laughter. Like the triple lutz, it’s high risk-high reward. If done correctly (like the dude in the picture) it can have an effect of making you the most interesting person at the party. More than one marriage has occurred as a direct result of the advanced handlebar.

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So Ron Swanson is the quintessential manly man. He values liberty, awesome mustaches, communing with nature and meat. Steak isn’t just part of a meal, it’s the only item necessary for a meal to be complete. The Moustache is a natural. It doesn’t require a lot of upkeep and does best if you just let it grow. I credit Ron’s popularity with the rise of the moustache in American culture. It used to be a joke, but I think it’s fairly clear that those of us who choose the stache are now being taken more than a little seriously. Thanks Ron!

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The Magnum P.I. (A.K.A. The Original)

by TheStache on October 8, 2012

So, this guy set the tone for having a serious (non-ironic) mustache. If you are a woman in 40-60 demographic it’s likely that this glorious stache has made your heart skip a beat a few times. I am guessing Steve Guttenberg was not very happy when Mr. Selleck was cast with him in the classic Three Men and a Baby. I mean, who wants to stand next to this guy on the big screen. Not Steve.. I can tell you that for sure.

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The handlebar gone wrong

by TheStache on September 29, 2012

I think it’s safe to say that things have gotten more than a little out of control here. There’s certain things in life that give each of us an identity and then that impluse just takes a wrong turn somewhere.

The Salvador Dali (a.k.a. The weirdo)

by TheStache on September 29, 2012

 

This one is just in a class by itself. Even without the little flowers you know people had trouble having a straight conversation with Salvador. Clean shaven he was probably a strange guy to know. When he was five, Dalí was taken to his brother’s grave and his parents told him that he was the reincarnation of his recently deceased brother (also named Salvador), a concept which he came to believe. That my friends will make for a very strange mustache later in life. Wowsers.

The Biker stache (a.k.a The Paul Tuttle)

by TheStache on September 29, 2012

This is my friend Sean. He went from a full beard straight to the Paul Tuttle. I have to say the mustache is awesome but this look just makes me uncomfortable. I grabbed this photo off Facebook where I also saw a video of him licking the mustache so I am pretty sure that uncomfortable was what he was going for. Anyway, hats off to you Sean, for growing an Amazing mustache!

Handlebar in the wild (downtown Louisville)

by TheStache on September 28, 2012

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This is my friend Murray. I met him in downtown Louisville and posted this because its a great of example of the handlebar from my last post. His name isn’t really Murray. I just said that so I wouldn’t feel like such a weirdo because I am asking random old men to photograph their mustache. His name might be Murray though.

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The Snidely Whiplash (a.k.a., The Handlebar)

by TheStache on September 22, 2012

When you are pretty much responsible for modern relief pitching, you can have whatever kind of facial hair you want. It turns out that Rollie grew this one out of protest that Reggie Jackson was allowed to have a beard at Spring Training. Also, Fingers started a contest for the best facial hair on the team. Guess who won? This guy is awesome.

Rollie’s stache was inspired by 19th century ball players and clearly also Dudley Do-Right’s arch nemesis, Snidely Whiplash.

 

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